wonders...

sometimes, i wonder what do we live for? why do we sleep and awake to a new day? what is it that makes us look forward to each day? why are there only 24hours in a day, even if there's more, will it be enough? Basically, i wonder what's our life for?

some people say, we live to populate this world. some say, forget about such stuff and live on. true enough, u wouldnt know the reason to why we are even standing on this very ground right now. i think about stuff, to the extend i get white strands of hair ever since the age of 13. what makes me generate thoughts? i dont get it. i dont wish to think about the future , neither do i wan to think about the past. i just want to focus on my present life. However, i cant seem to do it. Ever since the age of 13, i finally looked upon this world. i began wondering, what lies in the past and will it happen again? what would be in the future? will an event lead to another event?

i admit i am a paranoid guy, but are such thinkings normal? most of the time, i would space out and start thinking in my own world again. everyday, i will be thinking and thinking non-stop, about my mistakes, past, what should i do later on, what will happen in the future?never will i stop to think about the present. some people say i think too much, but such thoughts are generated by itself. i tried to stop thinking about it, after awhile it just comes back naturally. every night, i would spend at least 1-2 hours thinking and thinking... with my eyes closed. i cant sleep at all in these process of thinking. yea, i tried to stop thinking about it. it just doesnt seem to work. most of the time, i would sleep over 10 hours. however, first few hours would be thoughts and less few hours, i would have dreams. vivdly and clear, i can almost feel its realness. people say dreams are forgotten easily, but mine are so real that i sometimes mixed it up with my present life.

sigh.. i even wondered whether is there life after death? once i dreamt that after death, i will be in the form of energy particles. not knowing where to go, wondering all around. time and days passed by...infinitely. when i woke up, i feel the very presence of myself again. sometimes, i hate myself for thinking so much.

not only do i think about matters on life, i would also think of how people will feel. i "predict" how that person will feel about certain stuff. how that person feels when something happens. i don't know why my mind functions this way. but trust me, i think alot on all matters. altho, i think of the past and future. abt the present....i will be slower... thats abit weird for someone who thinks alot. i dont understand it at all too. oh wells.....

i feel that life's meaningless at this stage of point. why do politics affect us.. why do we have to study... know more stuff abt this world? or merely just to survive... if study is an alternative way to spend our time, why do we not study abt the human structure? make everyone go through lessons on how humans think, feel, see, touch, taste. mainly just to know the human mind better. wouldnt that be more interesting than facing boring dead topics like economics? so what if we need money to live in this world. if this world's currency had been water instead, will we be short of water? we are wasting materials to generate cash, with cash, living conditions are segemented.
why go through all these measures...reason is simple. we have no idea why are we living in this world. what are we living for actually?

sometimes, i wonder why do people say 1 thing and do another thing. does feelings affect human minds, or do u generate the action taken by urself? its a mystery to me and to others as well. all i feel is that, if thats the case. dont even say anything at all. its tough to imagine what a person can do when the mind is all twisted!

alrights, thats all for today.